Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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