Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize