I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
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I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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