There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
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We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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