my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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