I want to make a zoo with you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize