I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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