how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
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Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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