You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize