I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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