her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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