my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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