I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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