i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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