So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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