you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
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so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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