Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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