this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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