so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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