mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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