My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize