The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
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watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
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I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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