Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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