We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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