just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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