you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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