I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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