I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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