i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
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