Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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