just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
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It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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