Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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