Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
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I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
There's even glitter on my cock...
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