I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize