Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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