I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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