no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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