You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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