There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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