Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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