I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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