I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize