Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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