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I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
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