I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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