Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
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All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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