Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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