my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
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Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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