What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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