Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
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We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
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Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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